Posted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 9:30 pm Post subject: Am I wrong to want the best for T
I couldn't decide whether to put this here or in mad cows, but decided here hope thats OK.
I can't decide if I am right or wrong to push so hard for support for T.
She definately knows her subject inside out, (according to lecturers), has an exceptional level of IQ, is (again according to lecturers) an inspiration in class with her knowledge. But she just can't get it from the brain to the paper and is getting more and more frustrated. I only found out 2 minutes before seeing one of the lecturers that T owed him work and it was two weeks overdue this is exactly what she does, I suppose a bit like an ironing pile, you leave it and leave it and hope it will go away and it doesn't. But to make matters worse T sticks her head in the sand as well!!
I am not an educated person, all I managed was CSE's. I have given up everything, work, friends everything to be availabel to help and support, T and Hubby (he has ADD). But there are times when I feel I am banging my head on a brick wall!
Hubby is organised and sticks to a routine like clockwork, you could ask me at say 0630 what is he doing and I could honestly say, making a drink for T!!
T does not have an ounce of organisational skills in her and this is where I step in. I come up with ideas, and again different ideas when they fail. I support, cajol etc etc. My sister says I shouldn't that T has to learn to stand on her own two feet, especially as she hopes to go to Uni. I wonder sometimes is she right, should such a talent be wasted and it would, she would become depressed at not achieveing a dream. I also believe that I may very well have to move to Uni with her, but I don't want that I want her to get into Reading Uni, this is the best for her, offering full all round support both educationally and personally, but she needs two B's and a C. The lecturers have her working at C's and D's. Purely because she can't get the info out of her head!
On the 45 minute drive back from college she got my tongue, not nastily but honestly, She admitted she hated lists and white boards as they took up time, but as I said 10 mins every day is nothing if it helped you achieve your dream. I called her lazy and told her she wouldn't be going to Uni if she carried on the way she was going. She would have to get a job in a library.
"But mum I don't want to work, I want to study"
So I told her what she had to do, I've told her I will be on her back daily to see she uses the boards and planners, she says she is happy with this and Thursday we go back into college to the Support and start fighting for more again. More what I don't know, but there has to be a way to unlock the blockage from brain to pen!!
I get tired, I am tired, always pushing bullying etc but is this right, will she be taking the place of someone who really should be on that course and could do it without support?
I wonder if we are doing the right thing????? _________________ "If we reduce the amount of stuff we allow to accumulate in our lives, we won't have to organise it"
Elaine St James from her book 'Simplicity'
I have no idea what to advise you Libby...I've never had this type of problem to deal with....but I do know (from what you have written over the last 6 weeks or so) that you must be exhausted! Is there a chance that you could get away for a few days....just you...and perhaps you can get your head around the problem a bit more if you are less tired? I read your posts and I feel exhausted!!!! The thing is you could knock yourself out to such a point where you won't be any use to T or even yourself. Perhaps there is no answer...I don't know. I'm sorry that I can't be of any use to you, but I would like you to know that I admire your actions and feel deeply for your situation. xx
Oh dear me, I was obviously on a downer last night!
I make T and hubby sound like really hard work and yes they can be, but we don't half have some laughs along the way! I wouldn't change either of them for the world.
Yes I may have given up work opportunities but look what I can do, I play in the garden, craft, knit etc etc.
As for the friend situation well there an odd bunch where I live, according to a Radio programme alot of inter-breeding I was raised up north where everything was casual and you could pop round and accept people as they where, they don't do that down here, you have to book in triplicate two months in advance!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway I have all of you
Sadly I rarely get away except maybe to see my mum and thats a trial in itself!
Thank you for your input aggy, I think possibly with all the hospital visits this last month plus the icing on the cake of the parents evening got to me a bit!!!
Anyway we have an appointment with her support teacher on Thursday, then we shall get in touch with the guy from TIPS (Independent Psychological Service) it will cost but what the heck, who needs money!!! _________________ "If we reduce the amount of stuff we allow to accumulate in our lives, we won't have to organise it"
Elaine St James from her book 'Simplicity'
I gave up work to be with my kids Libby, a "stay at home Mum" as we're called. As Aggie says, I've never had to deal with the problems you have but think you're right in helping T to achieve her dreams.
You know her better than anyone, do you think she has come to rely on you too much? Perhaps once she gets to Uni and you're not there on a daily basis all your training will kick in because it has to?
Libby I really do admire you. You try so hard for T and of course you should. We want what's best for our kids and want them to be the best they can be.
I agree with aggy - you must be exhausted. I know when I'm tired I find it impossible to think of a different way around a problem and just keep hitting the same brick wall.
I have in my head a Sunday morning, 10 years hence, listening to a certain T on Desert Island Discs, famous for something fabulous, telling Kirsty Young that she's so pleased and grateful that her Mum supported (and pushed) her through her early academic years...
You'll know what's best for T Libby, because you know her best. I do think that Kathy might be right and that when she leaves home, she might find that all your efforts are kicking in and she can cope a whole lot better than she and you think....
{{Hugs}} - you're fantastic _________________ When I married Mr. Right, I didn't realise his first name was Always ...
Interesting! I do sympathisse with your predicament. Life is very short, and as one grows older, regrets do creep in. I feel sure in the long run your T will appreciate all you have sacrificed in order to help her get on.
As one with has two twenty somethings now, I often wonder if I should have done more. However one thing they have no doubt about is that we would do anything for them. They are basically my life! _________________ "One to rot and one to grow, one for the pigeon, and one for the crow!"
Old English Planting Rhyme
Cant help but thinking of you.
My eldest is only 9 and I think she should be helping herself a bit more, atleast her Dad does, but I will always pick up anything for her.
The girls and my OH are my life other things just enrich it.
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this is exactly what she does, I suppose a bit like an ironing pile, you leave it and leave it and hope it will go away and it doesn't. But to make matters worse T sticks her head in the sand as well!!
I was raised up north where everything was casual and you could pop round and accept people as they where, they don't do that down here, you have to book in triplicate two months in advance!!!!!!!!!!!!!
