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Libby
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Am I wrong to want the best for TI couldn't decide whether to put this here or in mad cows, but decided here hope thats OK.
I can't decide if I am right or wrong to push so hard for support for T.
She definately knows her subject inside out, (according to lecturers), has an exceptional level of IQ, is (again according to lecturers) an inspiration in class with her knowledge. But she just can't get it from the brain to the paper and is getting more and more frustrated. I only found out 2 minutes before seeing one of the lecturers that T owed him work and it was two weeks overdue  this is exactly what she does, I suppose a bit like an ironing pile, you leave it and leave it and hope it will go away and it doesn't. But to make matters worse T sticks her head in the sand as well!!
I am not an educated person, all I managed was CSE's. I have given up everything, work, friends everything to be availabel to help and support, T and Hubby (he has ADD). But there are times when I feel I am banging my head on a brick wall!
Hubby is organised and sticks to a routine like clockwork, you could ask me at say 0630 what is he doing and I could honestly say, making a drink for T!!
T does not have an ounce of organisational skills in her and this is where I step in. I come up with ideas, and again different ideas when they fail. I support, cajol etc etc. My sister says I shouldn't that T has to learn to stand on her own two feet, especially as she hopes to go to Uni. I wonder sometimes is she right, should such a talent be wasted and it would, she would become depressed at not achieveing a dream. I also believe that I may very well have to move to Uni with her, but I don't want that I want her to get into Reading Uni, this is the best for her, offering full all round support both educationally and personally, but she needs two B's and a C. The lecturers have her working at C's and D's. Purely because she can't get the info out of her head!
On the 45 minute drive back from college she got my tongue, not nastily but honestly, She admitted she hated lists and white boards as they took up time, but as I said 10 mins every day is nothing if it helped you achieve your dream. I called her lazy and told her she wouldn't be going to Uni if she carried on the way she was going. She would have to get a job in a library.
"But mum I don't want to work, I want to study"
So I told her what she had to do, I've told her I will be on her back daily to see she uses the boards and planners, she says she is happy with this and Thursday we go back into college to the Support and start fighting for more again. More what I don't know, but there has to be a way to unlock the blockage from brain to pen!!
I get tired, I am tired, always pushing bullying etc but is this right, will she be taking the place of someone who really should be on that course and could do it without support?
I wonder if we are doing the right thing?????
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agapanthus
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I have no idea what to advise you Libby...I've never had this type of problem to deal with....but I do know (from what you have written over the last 6 weeks or so) that you must be exhausted! Is there a chance that you could get away for a few days....just you...and perhaps you can get your head around the problem a bit more if you are less tired? I read your posts and I feel exhausted!!!! The thing is you could knock yourself out to such a point where you won't be any use to T or even yourself. Perhaps there is no answer...I don't know. I'm sorry that I can't be of any use to you, but I would like you to know that I admire your actions and feel deeply for your situation. xx
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Libby
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Oh dear me, I was obviously on a downer last night!
I make T and hubby sound like really hard work and yes they can be, but we don't half have some laughs along the way! I wouldn't change either of them for the world.
Yes I may have given up work opportunities but look what I can do, I play in the garden, craft, knit etc etc.
As for the friend situation well there an odd bunch where I live, according to a Radio programme alot of inter-breeding   I was raised up north where everything was casual and you could pop round and accept people as they where, they don't do that down here, you have to book in triplicate two months in advance!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway I have all of you 
Sadly I rarely get away except maybe to see my mum and thats a trial in itself!
Thank you for your input aggy, I think possibly with all the hospital visits this last month plus the icing on the cake of the parents evening got to me a bit!!!
Anyway we have an appointment with her support teacher on Thursday, then we shall get in touch with the guy from TIPS (Independent Psychological Service) it will cost but what the heck, who needs money!!!
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Kathy
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I gave up work to be with my kids Libby, a "stay at home Mum" as we're called. As Aggie says, I've never had to deal with the problems you have but think you're right in helping T to achieve her dreams.
You know her better than anyone, do you think she has come to rely on you too much? Perhaps once she gets to Uni and you're not there on a daily basis all your training will kick in because it has to?
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Aqui
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Libby I really do admire you. You try so hard for T and of course you should. We want what's best for our kids and want them to be the best they can be.
I agree with aggy - you must be exhausted. I know when I'm tired I find it impossible to think of a different way around a problem and just keep hitting the same brick wall.
I have no advice really that's any good though.
((hugs))
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Lizzie
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I have in my head a Sunday morning, 10 years hence, listening to a certain T on Desert Island Discs, famous for something fabulous, telling Kirsty Young that she's so pleased and grateful that her Mum supported (and pushed) her through her early academic years...
You'll know what's best for T Libby, because you know her best. I do think that Kathy might be right and that when she leaves home, she might find that all your efforts are kicking in and she can cope a whole lot better than she and you think....
{{Hugs}} - you're fantastic
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Flowerlady
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Interesting! I do sympathisse with your predicament. Life is very short, and as one grows older, regrets do creep in. I feel sure in the long run your T will appreciate all you have sacrificed in order to help her get on.
As one with has two twenty somethings now, I often wonder if I should have done more. However one thing they have no doubt about is that we would do anything for them. They are basically my life! 
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TheGirlsMum
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Cant help but thinking of you.
My eldest is only 9 and I think she should be helping herself a bit more, atleast her Dad does, but I will always pick up anything for her.
The girls and my OH are my life other things just enrich it.
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Libby
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Sometimes writing it down helps, I have nearly always enjoyed being a stay at home mum, there are times when I would like a few pennies of my own, but hey ho.
Kathy I hope your right, I do think she relies on me, but all I can do is keep everything crossed that some of it stuck in her head.
Can you imagine what I will be like if she actually goes to Uni, I shall have to take gin intravenously!!!!
Bless you all for supporting my moan/thoughts/worries etc etc I really do appreciate it
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS TO YOU ALL}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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Jacky
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Libby, I have been thinking a lot about this, now if she was blind, she would have a reader (if the exams were not in braille), if she was disabled i.e. no arms etc, she would have a writer, so why can't T have a writer, (do you have a letter stating that she has this issue to give a copy to the examination board) have you asked about this .... or answer the questions verbally that can be recorded and transcribed. She would be in a room by herself and the writer/tutor with extra time but that way it would not be so difficult.
I believe you have a right to have a right old moan at her and it will do you both the world of good, at the end of the day T is still a teenager and all teenager's need a good prod to move them forwards now and again. So do not feel guilty.
You are the 'bestest' mum/wife and don't you forget it
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cookie
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Lots of hugs Libby!
We have a spare room if you need a break, or you could use our guest flat!
You are a wonderful Mum, and T will realise this later.
Son No 2 was a real ***, he is dyslexic, we new he had problems, but its hard to get the help.He is now a qualified carpenter, has a lovely girl friend, and has recently bought his own house.He has also just joined the TA. I,m very proud!
Things will get better!
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Libby
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Dragonfly:- this is one of the reasons we are going into college tomorrow, I believe she should have extra help, she already gets extra time and we have been told this is all she is entitled to. Last year with the selection of courses she has she was in exams one day from 09.00 through to gone 1700. I know for a fact and if I had thought about it and made a note of the late exams they will have been the ones she got low marks on.
We are going to get her a laptop, we had hoped she would manage without (as she will get one from the council for Uni anyway)but its becoming extremely obvious that this is not the case.
Cookie, bless you for the offer, that is so kind, but T has a dicky doo daa, even if I go up to my mums for a few days, I spend most of my time away on the phone to her as she always seems to find something to phone me about.
My wonderful hubby and I have already decided that we will do everything in our power to help her get to Uni. To give her the chance. But sadly we expect her not to get past her first year, she may surprise us, as she did when she went to college, and I cross everything and hope she does, otherwise we will prepare ourselves to pick up the pieces!
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janowl
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Awe Libby. I have not had this problem with my children. Of which I count myself very fortunate. I hope you can sort out the problem, and I think you are being very sensible and brave. Thinking of you. xx
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nanny-now and forever
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libby
i have nothing else to add other than i think that you are a mom in a million and i admire what you achieve and what you may achieve in the future
a lot of what T becomes will be due to your hardheaded approach and i think you are wonderful
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Libby
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Thank you nanny. 
Had a meeting with the college support today, also Kathryn came up with a great idea where T looks 'outside the box' on Uni courses and gave some ideas of ones available at Worcester (she is a good girl) and T's juices where flowing so to speak!!
So lots of positive vibes at the mo!!!!
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Lizzie
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| Quote: | | ones available at Worcester |
Which is where K is isn't it?
So T is blessed not only with fantastic parents but also a fantastic sister! Lucky lass
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Libby
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It certainly is
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