nanny-now and forever
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cinderella - the panto................this is the thread where the panto will run
at 8.30 i will cue the band and do the intro
still time to sign up
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nanny-now and forever
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here's the plot
Ok.
The way I see it there is this Baron Well ‘Ard Up who lives in this crumbling castle all full of rats and other unpleasantries but which has (for some reason known only to the panto writer) a fine vegetable patch. He had the dosh but with the death duties and the gas bills and one or two library fines, he is now on his uppers, no staff left in the place, just his valet Buttons and his daughter Ella. Buttons has a pash for Ella but of course as he is a servant and she is the boss’s daughter it must be unrequited. That’s the way in worked in those days.
Ella is a very nice girl (can’t stand mincing women myself) and looks after her dad but he needs to pay off the library fines so he marries himself off to a rich widow who has two daughters with more money than taste and he brings the three of them to live in the castle.
The two sisters are well anti-Ella and after the intial down treading excercises she ends up in the kitchens all on her own, there to spend most of her time apparently up to her ears in soot and with only the vermin and Buttons for company. The two sisters are always getting at her and basically she has a miserable life.
In a castle far, far away there also lives this prince chappie, ok in his way but what he really needs is a good woman or so his mother thinks, his father thinks he should have a bad woman and keep the good woman for state occasions, banquets and that kind of thing, when appearances really matter. Mumsie has high hopes for her son and wants him to marry in the dynastic manner, the prince wants to marry for love (awwwwww.)
Anyway the prince and his valet Dandini decide to take themselves off one fine day for a wander in the countryside and perhaps for a bit of berry picking, what do I know. They decide to switch identities for the day so that prince charming can experience real life and get dirty and all the sorts of things that servants are allowed to do. How jolly.
By a huge coincidence (and the things fairy stories are made of) our heroine Ella has managed to do a runner for the avo into the same woods and happens upon an old crone who is all alone in the woods with a basket, collecting some of those mushrooms that you see on television programmes.
“Prithee Crone,” says Ella. “You look rather knackered. Wantest thou some help from a poor downtrodden servant what is really a beautiful young lady covered in soot? If so I am your girl.”
“Rather,” says the Crone between toothless gums and Ella gives her a hand collecting all kinds of what probably will prove to be fatal fungi .Off waddles the crone, a full fungi basket in hand in hand and little does Ella realise that she will meet the old crone in other circumstances later in act 2.
Who should Ella bump into but the prince who is disguised as a servant etc. Quel surprise. Of course the prince falls head over heels in love, there is probably a song in there somewhere and lots of heartfelt sighs, eventually after a few minutes they part as Ella has to get back, she only has a half day on Saturday after all, and there is loads of ugly sister type underwear to iron. She legs it back to the castle where of course the ugly sisters take it all out on her and then some, then ends the scene sitting in the fireplace (clearly no woodburner- I know the feeling) crying her eyes out.
The Prince’s mom decides enough is enough, the kid has to marry and the only way to force the issue is to have a big party, invite all the well to do and available girls in the kingdom and he gets his pick. Invitations are issued and of course the ugly sisters both get one, they make a big thing of it in front of poor ill-used Ella and go off to decide what they are to wear. Ella is a bit upset .
So she sings this song about how much she would like to go to a party…..or is that in the sound of music? Oh well. In the middle of this Buttons appears and gives her an invite that the sisters tried to chuck out but of course, Ella has nothing to wear and another song pops out of nowhere. She is left sitting in the hearth crying and talking to rats. Strange girl.
Knock on door, enter stage left THE CRONE. She asks what is the matter and Ella tells her and hey presto, the Crone becomes a fairy god mother. Surprise, surprise. “Yes Cinderella, you shall go to the ball,” is the line I believe and she gets Ella to round up some mice and rats, of course we all know that if you have one you don’t have the other, but hey ho this is panto so we can have rats and mice if we want. Ella is also detailed to go to the veg patch (remember that?) and bring in the pumpkin that happens to have done very well this year despite the drought, and hey presto with a wave of the fairy godmother wand, Ella has a full coach with compliment of footmen and Shetland ponies. Another wave and she has the dress and is told that she must be home by midnight. Of goes Ella to the ball, end act 2.
And so to the ball where the party is in full swing and the ugly sisters are making a play for the prince who isn’t having any of it, he still thinks about the girl in the woods, but knows it’s no use, mom is going to get her way and he is going to have to make a choice.
Enter the beautiful princess from who knows where that absolutely nobody recognises, always thought that was strange. She and the prince dance all night, they fall in love blah, blah, blah and then the clock strikes 12 and Ella knows that she has about a nano second to get away before all is revealed. In the process she loses a shoe (size 4, crystal) on the steps of the palace and gets halfway home before everything turns back into what it was and she is left standing on the side of the road with a shed load of vermin and a very large vegetable but not even the price of a bus ticket.
The prince is distraught and decrees that he will only marry the girl that fit’s the slipper. His mother finds this very tiresome but figures that at least he will marry somebody so agrees to issue the proclamation to that effect in order to find the girl.
To cut a long story rather shorter, the prince ends up at baron Well ‘Ard Up’s castle where the ugly sisters spend an act or two trying to wedge their feet into the aforementioned size 4 crystal, all to no avail. Ella wants to have a shot at it, the sisters try to stop her, they can’t. Ella’s foot fits into the shoe, there is much agony and breast beating by the ugly sisters, the prince says, "Wow, you are the girl in the woods, what a coincidence", proposes marriage to Ella, she accepts, he father comes with her and so does Buttons, the ugly sisters end up in a cold water flat in the capital, there is a grand finale high kick-off and the happy couple live happily ever after
The end.
Well that’s it in a nutshell
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Kathy
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Found it.....Phew, stage looks good.
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lloyd
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Just limbering up....Shall I close the other thread now, to avoid confusion?
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lloyd
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Ah. Ok I can't anyone else able to?
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Cabbagepatch
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Yes dear, did you got to work dressed like that today? 
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nanny-now and forever
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the set designer has done a cracking job hasn't he?
he did "les mis" you know
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Kathy
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Oh really? That trapdoor is ingenious................easy to get rid of anyone fluffing their part.
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Cabbagepatch
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That will be me then
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Kathy
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No no CP, you're an old hand now. 
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nanny-now and forever
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16 minutes to curtain up
last chance for the loo until the end of the act
go for it girls
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nanny-now and forever
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hell just had to revise the plot myself
10 minutes
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lloyd
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Ok been to loo, got cheese and bikkies and alcohol.....where's my lines?....who will do the cues?  
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Kathy
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That orchestra sounds a bit ropey, you been giving them that rocket fuel Nanny?
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lloyd
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Four minutes to curtain up.
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lloyd
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Baron Well 'Ard'Up should be on first?
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nanny-now and forever
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somebody tell leonie that we are here
hopefully alison has found her hoop skirts
i shall start you off and give the first cue
ok here we go
cue music
LADIES AND GENTLEMENT
THE POTTING SHED IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS PANTO WHICH THIS YEAR IS
CINDERELLA
THE CHARACTERS:
CINDERELLA - ALISON
PRINCE CHARMING - LEONIE
PRINCES MOM - CABBAGE
PRINCES DAD - KATHY
FAIRY GODMOTHER AND OLD CRONE - KATHY (she's a busy girl)
UGLY SISTERS - LLOYD AND LEONIE
BUTTONS - NANNY- BARON WELL 'ARED UP - LLOYD
long ago and far away in a land the other side of watford gap, there lived in a crumbling castle, a poor but kindly baron lived with his daughter
take it lloyd..............
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lloyd
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Ah, poor me, I'm so hard up, with these library fines and what not. I wonder if I should marry some rich bitch for her cash?
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nanny-now and forever
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llooyd?
you're the baron
take it
your line
make it up as you go along
or are you changing?
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alison
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Oh daddy, have you been back to the library to pay them your fines?
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nanny-now and forever
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at last
a true actor
lloyd?
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lloyd
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Why thankee Maam...wilst thou marry one?
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Kathy
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As member of audience
Oooooo, listen to that music, the orchestra shaped up quick
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nanny-now and forever
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lloyd
alison is your daughter
this is panto
not incest
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lloyd
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The library are sending in teh bailiffs, and then there's the gas bill, council tax.........
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Leonie2
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Cabbagepatch
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I just sooooo worry about my wonderful well heeled son. He sooooooo needs a beautiful innocent young girl to be his bride. Naturally she needs to be gorgeous, well spoken (like yours truly, splutter).
I must see what I can do.....
We need heirs to our kingdom after all......
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lloyd
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Woe is me, I am a man undone, (in more ways than one!)
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Kathy
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Nah, that slut down the road is pretty damn good..................
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alison
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Mark needs hairs as well
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lloyd
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and graces. 
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Kathy
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If you're undone that slut down the road might sort you out...............
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Cabbagepatch
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No slutty type from along the road is good enough for my Prince Charming 
He deserves a Beauty. I shall see to it.......
Back shortly, have an appointment with my plastic surgeon......
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nanny-now and forever
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oh thank you CP
are you two sharing a 'pooter?
so the baron makes a play for the rich widow who i have been unable to cast so i shall be her
"oh crikey, i haven't had an offer like that for ages. of course i shall marry you. what are you doing next tuesday? oh by the way sweetie, we come as a package, that's me and my two lovely girls......you'll like them, they might be a bit shall we say over the top but deep inside they are really just down home girls."
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lloyd
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Where's my lovely daughter Ella and my manservant Dandini when I'm stuck with these problems?...I need advice!
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alison
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Daddy, she is awful, but you are in a dreadful pickle with all these bills to pay. Take a chance and marry her
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lloyd
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Maybe I should meet these girls first.....Nah whatever. Lets get hitched, Baby! 
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nanny-now and forever
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oh master, tis i buttons
here i am just ahnging about waiting for a line and there it is
now where is the woman of my dreams cinders......unrequited of course
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Kathy
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As the audience
BARON WELL'ARD UP...........there's a mouse behind you...............
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Leonie2
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oooh mummy dear, marry the baron quick before he takes advice from his friends
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lloyd
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No there isn't?
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Cabbagepatch
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(Not sharing 'puter, have hijacked lovely son's!!!!!!)
Ok, darling spoiled son who appears to be wanting relationships with anyone and everyone out there, may I suggest we have a Ball? A big posh Ball???????
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lloyd
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oh no there isnt
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Cabbagepatch
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Oh yes there is
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alison
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oh yes there is!
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lloyd
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Don't all shout at once!
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nanny-now and forever
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wow is this plot moving
so they decide to get married on the tuesday and all of a sudden the baron finds himself saddled with a pair of neanderthals masquerading as daughters
cue uglies
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lloyd
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And a very random mouse.........
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Cabbagepatch
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Where is cinders? Is she scrubbing the kitchen floor in her rags? Is she peeling vegetables for supper???
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Leonie2
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squawk, oooh look there's a mouse, ella get rid of it quick. don't you clean the house
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Kathy
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As the audience
Ooo, look at the size of those...........never seen any that big before..............
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lloyd
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Eeew.....bl**dy brat 's neglecting her duties. Shut her in Dobbies room!
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Leonie2
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Ella, where are you?
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Leonie2
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You just can't get the service these days can you!
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Cabbagepatch
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Prince's mother just paying a solicitous visit (ie checking out how rich these kids are...)
"Oh I say darlings, when was this kitchen floor last swept? Do you not have a raggedy maid to do for you???"
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nanny-now and forever
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good question
cinders?
drop the champagne luvvy and make an entrance..............
unbeknownst to the ugly sisters there was already a young lady in the house, one ella,m herein called cinders who was a very good girl and as it happened a very good looking one as well
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lloyd
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That's it!!!!!
No food for her tonight!
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Leonie2
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ooooooh noooooo, no one is better looking than us
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Leonie2
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just look at my lovely golden amber locks
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alison
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I was tending the enormous vegetables in the garden, and didn't hear you calling
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lloyd
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I say you fellows, leave my darling daughter alone, Dammitt!!!
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alison
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Don't kill my mousy friends, they are the only ones I have
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Leonie2
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she like doing housework, besides she has nothing else to do. I have so much to keep me busy, what with brushing my golden locks, trimming my toe nails and picking my nose all day
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Kathy
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As a mouse........Squeak squeak
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nanny-now and forever
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ok
ok
no problems
we will move on
(god how i hate working with amateurs)
so there are these ugly sisters right and they don't care for cinders very much and they make her do all kinds of horrible things and make her live downstairs in the scullery with the vermin
her only proper friend was buttons
that's me
"ahem."
~"oh poor cinders, how cruel the sisters are to you. if only you could love a proper andupstanding kind oig chap like what i am . but it is not to be as we are socially miles apart and can never get it together like in the movies."
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lloyd
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Ella old girl, why not take the air and gather mushrooms, my sweet?...Run along now, darling. Nearly supper time.
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alison
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(whisper) takes you long enough
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Cabbagepatch
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Cue........Very Posh Entrance from Very Snobby Prince's Mother (just had hair done)
"Good afternoon minions , A Ball will be held next Saturday at precisely 8pm. One expects you all in best evening attire. Especially you uuuummmm, oh yes, pretty girls. Pray do not be late. The fatted calf will be upon the dinner table for supper...."
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Leonie2
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oh yes, and squashing those horrid little brown things with four legs and a tail....cinder's pets
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Kathy
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As Princes Dad
Still reckon he should go for the slut down the road
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Leonie2
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oooh a ball, I just know prince charming is going to fall in love with me. off to get my party frock out...
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nanny-now and forever
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so ff ella goes into the woods on her avo off, just like what panto people should
now in another castle far away there lived this prince charming and he was well in the poo becuase he didn't want to marry dynastically so he breaks out of the castle dressed as a servant one day and goes for a walk in the woods
cue prince.
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lloyd
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That little brat can't go, she has work to do!
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Kathy
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As old crone
By the eck, these mushrooms look tasty................
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Leonie2
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and the prince is walking through the woods when he comes across...
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lloyd
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Mine. I want them, I want them!
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Cabbagepatch
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Darling darling son, where bist thee gone??? pray don't say you have vanished into the woods? Nothing there but trouble my sweet
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nanny-now and forever
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prince?
cna i have the prince please?
that's you leonie
say something before the audience drop off
i had better pour myself another one, this one's nearly empty and there's another 2 acts yet
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lloyd
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He's behind you!!!
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Leonie2
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okay I'm here, I'm disguised as a mere servant
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Leonie2
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I don't want to marry someone rich, I want to marry for luuuuuuv
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nanny-now and forever
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| Ugly sister (aka Lloyd) wrote: | | Mine. I want them, I want them! |
what?
want what?
my god, he's having a turn CP
go and put a wet towel on him
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Cabbagepatch
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splutter
End of part one.
We all need to refill our tankards
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Leonie2
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Mummy is having a ball for me but I know it's only going to be rich ugly girls there
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lloyd
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The shrooms!!
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Kathy
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As the old crone
Tasty tasty mushrooms, looks like there might be a bit of magic in the air here...........
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lloyd
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END OF ACT ONE!!
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Kathy
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As the Princes Dad
It's ok son I'll make sure you're all right, see that little red door down the road, knock 3 times and say I sent you............
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nanny-now and forever
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(as buttons down in the kitchen)
sigh
sigh
sigh
i really love that ella person...the girls have tried to destry her invitation to the vall and i managed to get it out of the bin in time so when she gets back i shall make sure she get it
and the invite
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lloyd
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can't get a bl**dy word in edgeways here!
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Cabbagepatch
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Now then, One expects Replies to One's Posh Invitations by Return.
One is Very Busy and One needs to Make Plans. One's Servants Need to Be Told.
One awaits Replies to One's Ball Invitation IMMEDIATELY 
In the meantime, one is going to have one's nails done.
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Leonie2
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and prince charming is still walking through the woods hoping to bump into cinders?
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lloyd
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Any prince who was half a man would make sure she gets it!
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nanny-now and forever
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ok asit is the end of act one, the band are playing in the interval while we all go and get another drink
hope you ordered yours ahead of time as it is hell in the crush bar
get it down you chaps as the band are playing the intro to the next act
i think we might be in the woods but i'm not sure where we are now
i might have lost the plot
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Kathy
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In the dressing room
WHERES THE BOTTLE..................
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nanny-now and forever
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i've got it kathy
you want a hit?
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Kathy
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Roll up roll up, tasty mushrooms, only £5 each..................
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Kathy
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6 hits, quick
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nanny-now and forever
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so who should the old crone bump into but cinders...........
go for it cinders.................
this is your big scene
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lloyd
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(must say, I've always fancied trying Thespianism..........)
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