Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2009 12:06 pm Post subject: Divorce...
Divorce...
Mmmmm I'm just going through one right now after 13 years being married it's abit of a shock when you get nasty letters and papers through the post (even though it was me ran off a year ago last month).
The cost's, the muck slinging, the hassle why do we put ourselves through it to line the pockets of "Others" I ask myself.
No easy solution I'm guessing when it comes to a breakdown in marriage. If I'm thinking like this now on the start of this roller coaster ride what the hell am I going to be like when it's ended
Anyone else been through this hellish experience and have any advice? _________________ Life Is BRILL When You Have Genuine friends & The Odd Stalker & Many Guests!
I haven't been through this but know plenty of people who have and they've all dealt with it differently. One friend was married for 27yrs, when hubby took off with a younger model. She got very practical, sorted out the money side of things, (she's always had well paid job) told him what was happening via text messages, worked extra hours, socialised a lot and cried quietly in her quiet moments.
My SIL couldn't be bothered with the hassle of fighting over money, let her hubby go away with the lions share but doesn't regret it as she just wanted to be free of him.
My Uncle left my Aunt when he was 63, took off with a 23 yr old lodger (they had a B&B), she got up to a note on the kitchen table poor woman. She didn't get bitter and has stayed the lovely gentle Aunt I grew up with.
One of my sisters stayed friends with her ex, they still see each other occasionally but he was the messiest person I've ever met, I don't think I could have lived with him lovely though he is!
My only advice is not to get involved with any mud slinging and if things are acrimonious do everything through your lawyer. Good luck with it, we're here to lend an ear should you need one.
sorry I can't offer advice but as Kathy said we are here for you _________________ "If we reduce the amount of stuff we allow to accumulate in our lives, we won't have to organise it"
Elaine St James from her book 'Simplicity'
What sort of advice would you like? I have been divorced twice.
Husband no.1 and I are still friends, still see and talk a lot, even after 22 years a part. Husband no.2 is not allowed anywhere near us ... changed names and countys that started 13 years ago.
So I have done it both ways (nice and horrible), so I maybe able to assist
thanks for the support everyone
Nothing as yet... has kicked off sent some "nasties" back to my solicitor saturday but I'm sure somethings going to be disruptive when he gets my response over property and stuff
I'm due this month to go back and collect some of my things and don't want any trouble... guess I'll just have to wait and see if I get an irate phonecall _________________ Life Is BRILL When You Have Genuine friends & The Odd Stalker & Many Guests!
I got through it by thinking, surely at some point it has to get better it can't keep being like this..................and the good news is that it does eventually improve.
Two pieces of advice I was given were, dont' rise to any bait, if he calls and gets irrate simply say its down to the solicitors now we must let them sort it out they are the experts and hang up, say it politely and calmly. Log everything, phonecalls letters texts etc its easy to forget things which could be important later.
You most definately need someone else present when you go back to the house, I would suggest you both do actually, to make sure eveything is kept on an even keel.
Also, if there are problems, phonecalls or unpleasant texts let your solicitor know, mine wrote to his solicitor and he was quite simply told to have no contact with me except through solicitors.
One day, in the not too distant future, relatively speaking, it will be all over, you will feel drainedand sad also relieved and then you will start to rebuild.
I am two years down the line from leaving and now life is so much more peaceful and settled, it does all work out
Thanks so much Beccy for that advise, I'm trying to keep a straight head and as you say and proved keep calm it's seriously hard but I'm trying
My BF will be coming with me to Coventry wich is going to be tuff my ex has spoken to him on the phone, nothing nasty but I can't switch off from being abit wary at the moment, not that he's ever been violent to me but all the same I'm not over trusting in most situations. I just want to get in there for my things and out as quick as possible, in fact I don't really wont to go back at all but I suppose I owe the ex at least to remove my carp from the house.
Nothings ever simple!
_________________ Life Is BRILL When You Have Genuine friends & The Odd Stalker & Many Guests!
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that started 13 years ago.