I hope these comments aren't hurtful, they are meant as an idea to help you through this yucky bit ...
Does you ex know why you left; you fell out of love or you fell in love with your OH and you just couldn't not live with this new man. i.e. is your ex a nice man but not exciting / emotional / cuddly etc or was he a not so nice man, so that when a nice man came along and treated you how you wanted to be treated you left.
I just wondered if you could write him a really plain english (no emotion/blame), perhaps even a nice letter, maybe even saying how sorry you are for the hurt caused (if he was a nice man but just not right for you, iykwim) or just explaining 'why'. It might not help the situation right now but as time goes by at least he will know why it all happened and his life changed.
I hope these comments aren't hurtful, they are meant as an idea to help you through this yucky bit ...
Jacky ... YOUR SO RIGHT! in what you posted I do feel the need to act upon something to explaine TBH. My BF is fully aware of the situation, and I belive my Ex husband is as well but needs confimation of the fact.
For 13 years married (15 in total all together) no cuddles, no conversation, no empathy or anything their never was at all it drove me mad quite frankly pretending "we're ok" and "ment to be" etc etc...
He had his BIG wide flat screen TV & playstation constantly on the go and only convo would be "whats for dinner" or "we're meeting my mates at 3 down the pub" yeah great to socialize but not good when it's to your so called husbands back your talking too on the bloomin bandit or watching the Rugby and Football!
I've ended up with agoraphobia I had major depression when I was back their, I just could not cope anymore. Ive lost the depression now I'm with my BF thankfully it's a horrid illness I woke up I don't tend to take things as seriously as I used to and don't get wound up or stressed out since moveing to Wales, especially now I've got a understanding brick of a partner, wich I never knew existed .
I last wrote to my ex back in febuary he didnt read my letter or explanation for "running off" he didnt even know until the police informed him I was "missing" until a week after!. I guess I'm just going to have to face going back and hold my temper.
I've advised my BF when we go any trouble we are off, no fighting no carp, boot down and drive home!
I've come to realise that Mental Abuse is as bad as Physical.
I hate to open my gut's literally to everyone but maybe oneday these posts will be of use to others like me in the future _________________ Life Is BRILL When You Have Genuine friends & The Odd Stalker & Many Guests!
Just pleased you read the post as I meant it, was a bit wobbly, wondering if I had written the right thing
Is taking you BF into your old house the right move or do you think they (both males (even the gentlest of males are still males) will be ok together), could you not take another female friend actually into the house with you, you might find it easier all round. I just know when I helped a friend do the same thing, even with me there it wasn't easy.
Anyway good luck and I hope you can get your pocessions back, that you have lived without for quite a long time now.
I second what Jacky says, no offence ment to BF but it is not so confrontational (sp?) if maybe a girlfriend went with you? Where abouts does ex live? _________________ "If we reduce the amount of stuff we allow to accumulate in our lives, we won't have to organise it"
Elaine St James from her book 'Simplicity'
Personally I would say BF is actually thae last person to take, a girl friend is a much better idea. Make sure your solicitor is aware of when you are going.
I have to agree with all your advice but major problem I can't actually drive at the moment... and it's just me and the OH no one else at all that I could go with Richies daughter would probably come with me but tbh she's got 4 kids dependant on her 24/7 and not been 100% well lately so really don't want my stuff stressing her out as well, mmm bit of a situation all this. I think I'm going to have to play this seriously carefully somehow. _________________ Life Is BRILL When You Have Genuine friends & The Odd Stalker & Many Guests!
Good advice given there Jen - best if a girlfriend is around as BF may unintentionally inflame the situation. I know the situation you're in and my heart goes out to you. If you need a shoulder to cry on whinge at, generally shout/scream at - you know where I am
A difficult one, so if Richie drives then maybe he needs to remain in the car. It would be better if you could take someone in with you though! Is there alot of stuff to collect?
_________________ "If we reduce the amount of stuff we allow to accumulate in our lives, we won't have to organise it"
Elaine St James from her book 'Simplicity'
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I do feel the need to act upon something to explaine TBH. My BF is fully aware of the situation, and I belive my Ex husband is as well but needs confimation of the fact.
