Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 10:22 am Post subject: BIL trouble
I need to call upon the great potty oracle!
J's only uncle/T's only brother has seen J once and it's starting to bug me. When J was a week old, they (BIL and Mrs BIL) came over and that was 5 months ago.
My sis has seen J about 6 times and we email/webcam phone a lot too and she lives in spain. BIL lives 15 mins walk away.
I don't want to take J to see them as they smoke and even if they didn't smoke while we were there, it would still be in the air.
I know it must be hard for them as although Mrs BIL has a daughter (from a previous relationship) and grandaughter, she cannot have any more, so BIL will never be a dad. But I can't help but think that everyone is missing out.
BIL was aparently even too busy to get his dad a birthday card this year, let alone a present. And I suspect I (and T) know what his idea of busy is and it is something rather dodgy. But still I want to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I can't really see myself forcing a meeting, but I'd like J to know his uncle. Underneath it all he's a nice bloke.
Oh what to do? _________________ Aqui, T and Baby Jack!
It's very frustrating Aqui but unfortunately I don't think these things can be forced. If he was "too busy" to bother with his Dad then it's unlikely any effort is going to made to get to know his nephew. If you were to force meetings and there were undercurrants, J would pick it up and you'd probably find him getting unsettled after any visits.
Maybe as J gets older you could show him photos of his Uncle and talk about him a bit. That's what we do with E with relatives that don't bother (including her Father). She has lots of love around her, is a happy wee thing, so we don't feel as if she's missing out and I'm sure it's the same for J.
I would let it go. As Kathy said you can't force these things. None of OH's family bother to se our children, they have never visited us here and we've been here 6 months now. I can't be bothered with them TBH. It's a shame because deep down (about 10 miles or more) I'm sure they are nice people too. I just can't understand why they wouldn't want to see 3 gorgeous children. _________________ The Card Bee
I love my 3 nephews to bits but sometimes i can sit back and thing 'gosh i havent seen them in a few months' and i know their other aunt is round there at least once a week.
now i dont think that it has ever been 5 months bur it is really really easy to let it slip.
How about inviting them to a BBQ or a meal? not just them but a group maybe.
It might be that he isnt that bothered but it can be quite hard to remember that there is someone new to visit, especailly for blokes who dont normally go weepy eyed at the sight of a new born, dont mean to put anyone down but sometimes it can be hard to get into the new visit routine without a little prompting. _________________ Never trust a skinny chef
www.wilddutch.co.uk
A group of friends getting together sounds a good idea although he will probably have an excuse why he can't come at the last minute.
These things happen in all families - I see my sister who lives in Oz more often than I see my brother who lives in Gloucester _________________ www.overthegate.co.uk
Also remember some people for reasons you've said and others, 'don't do babies' but once there older and toddling around and 'arriving' on your knee with a book, its very difficult to turn them away or ignore them, thats when they get under your skin, that might be the time to invite your BIL round!!!! _________________ "If we reduce the amount of stuff we allow to accumulate in our lives, we won't have to organise it"
Elaine St James from her book 'Simplicity'
I just wish my grandchildren is spain , lived in this country, as I would make sure I sa them at least once a week !
I dont see my brother at the moment as we had an argument the last time we met, even though we both said sorry, I think he`s changed his name on aol so that he cant chat to me, as I haven`t seen him on here since.
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