The Potting Shed

Libby · Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 8:23 am Post subject: Next of Kin!

I wasn't sure where to put this, so stuck it here!

My mum has been widowed since 1982 about 6 years ago she got together with my 'Godfather' who had been widowed 3 years earlier! I have no problems with him at all, I love him to pieces and he gave me away at my wedding I have known him all my life! They live in Cheshire, I live in Wiltshire and my sister in Sussex!

My mum has to go into hospital for major surgery and was chatting away to me on the phone about it when out this popped

B is down as my next of kin!!!!?????? Now they are not married or anything legal. She knew I was shocked because I went totally silent (unusual for me) when I told my sis, she was the same!

The thing is he is a 'drinker', oh I know he loves her etc. etc. but I really do not think he should have final say on anything to do with mum!

I know she can be a pain in the backside but there has always
just been the 3 of us, even when dad was around he was at sea and we have always worked together!
I know also that your probably thinking if they where married he would be next of kin, but he's not!
This is a MAJOR operation, she is 75 on warfarin, has a dicky heart, dodgy lungs cos of whooping cough as a child, my sister and I will have to take it in turns to go up and look after her, which is already sorted, and not a problem, he can't! She'd starve if he was left to look after her!

To be totally honest, I'm really upset about this!!! Sadly theres no point in talking to Mum about it as when she has made up her mind she can be hard to shift. But now I've put it here I might feel better about it!

thank you for listening!
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Jellycat · 4 Star Club Joined: 16 Jun 2006 Posts: 1732

Oh can't families be difficult?

Can you talk to the hospital, and explain that you and your sister also need to be consulted if the need arises?

Can you talk openly to B about it at all? Maybe both you and your sister at the same time?

I have to confess I had my OH down as my next of kin before we were married, but we're somewhat younger I think...

It's a minefield - my family is such at the moment that I have to be careful what I say about everyone to everyone and it's a pain in the neck - many sympathies Libby {{}}
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Becki · Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 10:34 am Post subject:

Can he still be next of kin if they arn't married?
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Pilsbury · Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 10:15 pm Post subject:

anyone you chose can be next of kin no matter who they are, it just refers to the person you give permission to, or want to be informed if anything happens.
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Libby · Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 8:00 am Post subject:

See, its silly really! I know its me getting my knickers in a twist! If they where married I would have no problem! They have both agreed they will never marry, to be honest it suits them both and works well for them!!
B is a lovely man, as I said he gave me away at my wedding as Dad had been dead for 6 years then, to be honest he was the only person for the job, even though I had a number of uncles that I probably should have chosen!
It will I'm sure, all sort its self out. We will have a chat with B, but will need to get him on his own, cos mum can really up the anty when she gets going!!
Thanks for your support and understanding in probably what is really a trivial matter!!! Rolling Eyes

But you know how these things get to you!!!!
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Becki · Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 8:13 am Post subject:

I'm sure if he's as nice as you say, he would want to consult you anyway. It's not a trivial matter, if it matters to you.
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Jojo · 2 Star Club Joined: 13 Jul 2007 Posts: 632 Location: Lincs

When my Mother needed to put a next of kin,she put both myself and Sister down,so any big decisions were made by both of us,sadley my Mothers passed away now, but perhaps you could put this to your Mum.

Libby · Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:11 am Post subject:

To be honest thast what we expected Jojo! But 'nowt so queer as folk' hey!
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